1AM FRIDAY MORNING

paralyzed by a lack of passion causing a bed sore in my heart.

RUN!

He stands there

in patience and love

He's waiting there for you.

He's calling out

your name.

He's loved you

before you ever were.

So run, run to Him.

He's reaching out for you.

He hung there for you.

You're sad child

and lonely.

But you don't have to be,

He's with you can't you see?

"Come here child.

You rest now.

Give your heart to me.

From these burdens

I'll make you free!"

So RUN, RUN TO HIM!

He's reaching out for you.

He hung there for you!

Scared and insecure

He reaches for you.

Made a mistake again

He hung for you.

Hiding behind the mask

 But He says you're beautiful.

Dark desires to cut your own skin

But He already bled for you!

So RUN, RUN TO HIM!

He's reaching out for you,

He hung there for you.

RUN, RUN TO HIM!

He's reaching out for you,

He hung there for you.

Hear Him.

DEAR JOHN LETTER

One day,
you'll look at me
with sudden realization in your eyes.
You'll realize
that I've been right here all along.
But until then,
I'll keep calm, cool and collected.
I'll keep focused on HIM
as I wait for you.

YOUR EYES

I want eyes that look at me and know 

things I don't have to show 

on the outside where you are looking in, 

which is exactly where I feel you 

when I feel my heart begin its beat.

HELD

It's late at night

and I wish I had someone to text,

Specifically,

I wish I still had you.

I wish I had you

to hold

with my thoughts

and love with my words.

But you're my past

and I refuse to waste time

missing you.

Instead,

I will text Jesus

and wish He could physically 

TOUCH me,

because it's late at night,

and I desperately need to be held.

VAST CORRIDORS

My thoughts are everywhere.
They just are,
and I just am.
I don't know where they start
and I don't know where they end.

I never want to cease,
I want to be for eternity,
never just a memory.

As for my thoughts,
they are so complex,
filling my brain
and my heart
and forcing every thing out.
Thus comes my poetry
and tears pour forth as well.
I want to fill myself, with what?
With you.
With anything,
but emptiness. 
I want more to replace the sanity 
I feel I'm losing 
in times like these 
when my words make little sense. 
I want your light, 
your life, 
your love. 
I want your balance 
and I want to be centered. 
I want your thoughts, 
I want to hear them, 
not mine. 
Mine are so unstable, 
and yours calm my mental storm. 
They rush past me, 
and sometimes all I realize is their wind. 

Like, when did this become a letter to You? 
But who else would I write this to? 

So back to my mind...
which is a bunch of corridors, 
too many corridors, 
filled with doors, 
of rooms,
filled with thoughts. 
SILENCE. Please.

PRESSURE

This pressure, 

it creeps into my reality. 

I awaken to it's presence 

here building, filling my head 

with heaviness. 

My reflection 

across the room says to me, 

this is what misery looks like. 

The silent screaming 

inside me cries out, 

this is what pain sounds like! 

The ringing in my ears, 

my blood rushing through my veins... 

my heart...speeding along this winding road 

that leads to nowhere, 

are all the sounds of agony. 

I've bitten my lip in tension...

my first taste of blood for the night, 

the taste of affliction. 

My hands are tangled in my hair, 

trapped, at war with myself

to be free, from this torture. 

I feel the sting of hot tears 

scorching scars down my face. 

They disappear in steam. 

The smell of sticky sweat 

from my suffering 

whispers to me, 

this is the stench of who you have been 

and always will be. 

But in the back of my mind, 

rising from the center of my heart 

are the words once spoken to me. 

"You need not fight in this battle; 

station yourself, 

stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, 

O Judah and Jerusalem. 

Do not fear or be dismayed; 

tomorrow go out to face them, 

for the LORD is with you." 

The glass has shattered. 

The mirror maze gone. 

He's standing there before me 

arm's outstretched 

just waiting to embrace me. 

In His touch, 

I taste fresh water, 

I hear the love letters 

He's written for me, 

I can feel hope 

even far across the sea. 

In His love, 

I see colors of Joy 

and I smell nature around me...

pushing back the pressure, 

healing the pain, 

and inviting me to dance 

in the rain to the symphony 

He's written for me. 

♥ 

//This was initially inspired by a sinus migraine. See how Jesus makes beauty from pain? //the song in my head "Mi Mancherai" w/o words by Josh Groban.

365 Poem Challenge

[Untitled]

Is it that I'm guarding my heart TOO well? 

Or are you just not the one? 

Am i wasting an opportunity? 

Or am i waiting for God's best for me? 

Am I sabotaging any hope of falling in love? 

Or am I first falling in love with Jesus? 

Is it a problem that I'm "just not interested"? 

Maybe for him and them, 

but its a good thing that I'm not distracted, 

from the GREATEST LOVE I desire, 

the GREATEST ONE I need, 

the GREATEST NAME to be on my mind, 

the GREATEST ARMS to run to, 

the GREATEST ROMANCE that surpasses Cinderella, 

the dream fella, YES HE EXISTS. 

Our story is a romantic dramedy 

that film couldn't capture, 

has a soundtrack He already wrote, 

words can't always express it, 

but He outdid Dear John 

and wrote 66 love letters to me...

on top of my own poetical diary. 

Yes my heart is guarded, 

for Jesus holds it in His hands.

LOVE IS EVERYWHERE

Love is everywhere
in the faces
And embraces
Of people all around
Poking fun at me
In my  loneliness.
Makes it hard 

to think straight 

and concentrate
On not complicating 

my own life
With discontentment
And desire for more.

I WANT MORE

I want more than just a passing touch.
I want more than just a fleeting word.
I want to be embraced.
I want more than a meaningless smile.
I want beyond whats for a little while.
I want to be chased.

SHOPPING FOR CLEANING SUPPLIES

the more mess i make
the more i hide my face
from the love of God.
i begin to doubt
when i look around and see
the reasons
he shouldn't love me.

i feel the shame
im bathed in
bite me
and cut deep into my heart.

God are you angry?
i fear your disappointment.
God are you tired?
of me of making the same old mistakes.

i'm sorry i'm sorry
help me please
is all i can say.

i can just imagine
the way the world around me
drops its head in resignation
as i fall deeper into
the mess i've made of myself.

LET GO.

I find myself wandering 

through the streets of sorrow 

searching for a piece of hope. 

My face burning 

from the cold winds of 

reality, circumstance, and consequence.

REFLECTION

Who are you there

staring back at me

from the mirror?

Who are you?

I don't recognize you,

I don't recognize you at all.

I thought you were much more small,

your hair was much more tame,

and you had a graceful frame.

Who are you there staring back at me?

Who are you there

staring back at me

from the mirror?

Who are you?

I don't recognize

your disguise,

wasn't there light in your eyes?

Who are you there staring back at me?

IT JUST IS

At first you feel like you've lost your spark. 

And thats okay for a while,

  I guess.

until you lose your drive too...

And then your will to live follows,

And you feel like you can't even help yourself. 

You can only float suspended in this murk. 

You're already tired and you feel done, 

so trying to swim through the murk just exhausts you. 

The hole that you have fallen into 

is so deep that you feel like there's no point 

in trying to get out. 

So then you lose your fight...

Then the light within you dies. 

You feel dead and you wonder 

if you'd be better off that way. 

Everyone wants you to do something about this. 

But you don't feel like you have any say in this. 

You have no control over any of it. 

It just is.

MIRAGE

Do you know how to listen to music?
Do you know how to really hear it?
From the heart it flows,
with the heart one knows 
its song.
Sink into the voices,
hang on to every note.
Let it echo within you
resonating within your soul.
Feel the stories
of the melodies
and the pain of the dissonance.
Let it transcend over you
lifting you to a new awareness
where you can see its color.
You can feel it, almost
watch it dance.
Close your eyes.
Can you see it?

NEW START

 

Today is a new day,

it's gonna be okay.

Everything will go the way

God wants it to.

I'll ask God to help me be

full of productivity.

There's no point I see

in beating up me

for being imperfect.

For that's the beauty

of me,

the reality

of why I need God.

 

DREAM WARRIOR

He walked into the room on a war path to fulfill a death wish. Without hesitation he punched her assailant in one swift blow. He had to contain himself so that he would not continue to attack the man until he was dead. He had more important things to do. He turned quickly to her, the agony he felt reflecting her agony within, blatant in his eyes, as well as his passion. His face crumpled in pain and anger for her. As he took her face in his hands, he looked her over making sure not a scratch was on her. But he was now so hyperaware of every invisible wound she carried with her. Their eyes locked on one another, he tried so hard to send his message of love, protection and desperate passion for her, to her. He was desperate to protect her at all costs. He was desperate to defend her and her honor at all times. He took her into his arms and wrapped her in the biggest and most secure embrace as if to block out the world. He whispered into her ear “I am so sorry this has happened to you. As long as I live no one will ever do that to you again.” There he just held her. She melted into his embrace exhaling her relief, pain and love into him. He took upon himself the entirety of her weight as her sobbing overwhelmed her and she let it all go. She felt completely safe for the first time in her life. Beautiful they were as they stood there, passion in her voice and a fire so passionate in his eyes.

DIAR-ETIC

Frustrated to the point of no return.

I want to purge myself of these feelings

Of the helplessness within me.

I have no voice

For my throat is clogged

With the bile of my torment.

How often do I return to this

State of existence where I can’t

Feel, think, see, breathe

Only sit within this murk.

I am so limited

By my own faults.

My own mind

Is my demise.

Who can save me from myself

This hell that I create.

I am stuck

I am enchained

I am bound and

Imprisoned.

SCARS

So I'll unveil my scars for you

to see. To see

The way that God has worked in me.

I’ll unlock my heart for you

To know. To know

That God has never let me go.

So it is with me, it is with you.

UNLEASH THE UNSPEAKABLE

happiness is a loaded gun

because one day

a shot will be fired

and it will all come crashing down.

happiness is a loaded gun

because I am cocked and ready

to release this rage within

upon all of you.

happiness is a smoking gun

because I look up

from my cross hairs

and see before me

the madness I warned you

would come,

the madness that was already there.

BARREN

I have nothing to say
and nothing to give,
yet people continue to take.
piece by piece,
I have been stripped
of my clothing
and now I lay
bare and broken
before you all.
All that i have
once had, is lost
to me...
my sanity.
I am not myself.
I know this to be true.
Where have I gone?

IN THE DEEP

Deep in this cave,

I am stuck.

Nothing to do,

but hope and wait

for the sun's rays

to creep farther in.

Maybe I'll get a touch...

just a touch of wawrmth

so it will be

more

than just an idea.

Deep in these waters,

dark with rage,

and cold with loniness,

there is a multitude

of horrors that lie beneath

the surface.

Thrashing and flailing about,

I am struggling...desperate

to get to the surface

and stay afloat.

But the waves,

one after another

wipe me out.

I am overcome.

Deep in the crevices

of my mind,

so expansive,

I'm unaware of all 

its twists and turns.

It suffocates me.

It steals my breath

and steels my heart.

Everything continuously shifting

only to further confuse

the maze

of my thoughts.

I can't grab onto anything,

I evade even myself.

I can't touch anything,

the darkness is empty.

Choking,

Hiding,

Drowning,

Lost...

in the Deep.