YARNBALL

Sometimes I’m okay.

And other times I feel myself

Begin to unravel.

It’s hard,

But I have to make myself realize

That the ground I’m standing on

Isn’t going anywhere.

I have to remember to breathe.

LITTLE

I feel so low when I remember

Just how little

you thought of me,

So little

that you just dropped me

Without an explanation.

I feel so low when I realize

Just how little respect

You had for me.

So little,

That you find me undeserving

Of even an apology.

I just want to know

That you’re sorry.

DISRESPECT

Thank you

For not giving me the respect

Enough to just communicate

And tell me you didn’t want me.

Thank you

For not caring enough

To bring some clarity to the situation.

Is that all I meant to you?

Less than enough to at least

Say goodbye before you just

Walked away

Leaving me here alone and utterly confused?

I knew it from the beginning.

You were just another someone to lose.

Lowering my guard and raising my hopes

Was a mistake.

I once said

I had run out of goodbyes.

I don’t know what I hate more,

Goodbye, or abandonment without care.

THE SMELL OF WET GRASS

It rained today.

So in it I danced.

I didn’t let my spirit fall

And mix in the rain drops

To collide with the ground.

Instead I let it fly in the storm’s wind.

The storm is violent by nature,

But I learned to change my perception.

Storms are but another opportunity for rejuvenation.

TO LIVE OR NOT TO LIVE?

The clock strikes 9 am

and I’m still not awake yet.

The birds call my consciousness

to awareness,

And I realize I’ve been standing

At this cross walk for 5 minutes.

The walking man has illuminated

And faded repeatedly now.

I fell asleep in this moment

And let it pass me by.

For 5 minutes

I let life slip between my fingers.

The clock strikes 2 pm

And I have nothing to show for my day.

Looking down and out my window,

The bars of my jail cell,

I can see people milling about

Making a prize of their day

And I feel so disconnected.

I feel asleep in this moment

And let it pass me by.

The world is silent

And every once and a while

I can hear the bells again,

Telling me more of my life

Is passing me by meaningless

And soon it will be morning

Yet again.

The Count Dracula has made me his new victim.

For I am like a vampyre,

Dead in the night,

But also dead in the day.

When will I be delivered an antidote

For this horrible existence?

When will I decide to take my life

As my own again?

I fall asleep

And let these midnight moments

Pass me by.

The clock strikes 9 am today

And I am awake.

The walking man appears to me

To say hello.

I walk across the street without hesitation,

For now is all I have left.

I HATE TO REMEMBER

It’s horrible of me, 

I know.

To hate your happiness

And wish my misery would 

share itself with you.

It’s horrible of me, I know.

To resent you so much

And hold this bitterness 

and contempt towards you.

I want to say I can’t help it,

But I don’t want to display 

helplessness

Nor do I want you to know that

You have such power over me.

How horrible I feel now that 

I remember.

When I couldn’t remember

Why you made me so happy

And why

I was so hurt

It was easier than now.

Now that I remember.

I remember the blissful moments

That now haunt me.

I remember how special you were

And now you haunt me.

It hurts so bad to remember…