SHOPPING FOR CLEANING SUPPLIES

the more mess i make
the more i hide my face
from the love of God.
i begin to doubt
when i look around and see
the reasons
he shouldn't love me.

i feel the shame
im bathed in
bite me
and cut deep into my heart.

God are you angry?
i fear your disappointment.
God are you tired?
of me of making the same old mistakes.

i'm sorry i'm sorry
help me please
is all i can say.

i can just imagine
the way the world around me
drops its head in resignation
as i fall deeper into
the mess i've made of myself.

LET GO.

I find myself wandering 

through the streets of sorrow 

searching for a piece of hope. 

My face burning 

from the cold winds of 

reality, circumstance, and consequence.

REFLECTION

Who are you there

staring back at me

from the mirror?

Who are you?

I don't recognize you,

I don't recognize you at all.

I thought you were much more small,

your hair was much more tame,

and you had a graceful frame.

Who are you there staring back at me?

Who are you there

staring back at me

from the mirror?

Who are you?

I don't recognize

your disguise,

wasn't there light in your eyes?

Who are you there staring back at me?

IT JUST IS

At first you feel like you've lost your spark. 

And thats okay for a while,

  I guess.

until you lose your drive too...

And then your will to live follows,

And you feel like you can't even help yourself. 

You can only float suspended in this murk. 

You're already tired and you feel done, 

so trying to swim through the murk just exhausts you. 

The hole that you have fallen into 

is so deep that you feel like there's no point 

in trying to get out. 

So then you lose your fight...

Then the light within you dies. 

You feel dead and you wonder 

if you'd be better off that way. 

Everyone wants you to do something about this. 

But you don't feel like you have any say in this. 

You have no control over any of it. 

It just is.

MIRAGE

Do you know how to listen to music?
Do you know how to really hear it?
From the heart it flows,
with the heart one knows 
its song.
Sink into the voices,
hang on to every note.
Let it echo within you
resonating within your soul.
Feel the stories
of the melodies
and the pain of the dissonance.
Let it transcend over you
lifting you to a new awareness
where you can see its color.
You can feel it, almost
watch it dance.
Close your eyes.
Can you see it?

NEW START

 

Today is a new day,

it's gonna be okay.

Everything will go the way

God wants it to.

I'll ask God to help me be

full of productivity.

There's no point I see

in beating up me

for being imperfect.

For that's the beauty

of me,

the reality

of why I need God.